AROUND THE NFL - WEEK 4

NFL Week 4: The Petty, the Pretty and the Penalties

A fly by review of every game from week four of the NFL

Week 4 arrived carrying sixteen games, several fourth-quarter collapses and enough questionable decision-making to keep sports radio employed until Christmas. Here is the entire slate, reviewed with the solemn objectivity of a fan whose accumulator expired before Sunday lunch.

Cleveland Browns 27, Pittsburgh Steelers 24

Cleveland spent the first half collecting penalties like loyalty points, repeatedly marching forwards only to be escorted backwards by a man in stripes. Yet the Browns still reached half-time 21–10 ahead, largely because Pittsburgh’s defense kept mistaking warning signs for decorative bunting. The Steelers eventually woke up, tightened the game and completed a stirring late comeback to draw level at 24–24. That should have been the heroic ending. Instead, they returned the ball with just enough time for Cleveland to stroll into range and kick a 56-yard winner. Pittsburgh had completed the difficult bit; unfortunately, it had also completed the part where it gave the ball back. Browns fans celebrated, then instinctively checked for a flag.

Indianapolis Colts 30, Washington Commanders 13

In London, the Colts opened as if their body clocks were still circling somewhere over Greenland. Washington took advantage early, but its control proved as temporary as sunshine in October. Indianapolis settled, leaned on Jonathan Taylor and discovered that a British audience appreciates a good ground game almost as much as an orderly queue. Taylor ran in two touchdowns, the Colts’ defense steadily squeezed the life from Washington’s attack, and a close contest became a comfortable 30–13 win. The Commanders’ offense offered a faithful recreation of airport Wi-Fi: briefly available, mostly frustrating and gone precisely when needed.

Baltimore Ravens 24, Tennessee Titans 18

Baltimore built a 24–7 lead with the brisk competence of a team hoping to finish before the traffic, controlling the early exchanges and making Tennessee look every inch an 0–3 side. Then the Ravens apparently replaced their playbook with a takeaway menu. Drives shortened, urgency vanished and the Titans crept back into a game that should have been locked in a cupboard. Tennessee’s rally brought the margin down to six and briefly threatened an upset, but “nearly beating Baltimore” remains the sort of achievement normally printed on a participation certificate. The Ravens escaped 24–18 with the win and several awkward questions; the Titans fell to 0–4, and the rebuild now has planning permission, scaffolding and a completion date marked “TBC”.

New England Patriots 29, Buffalo Bills 26

New England’s afternoon was a catalogue of contradictions. Drake Maye committed two turnovers, then responded with three touchdown passes—the quarterbacking equivalent of spilling paint across the carpet and somehow producing a landscape. Buffalo surged into a 17–0 advantage and appeared ready to apply the usual divisional paperwork, only for the Patriots to keep finding cracks in the Bills’ defence. The comeback gathered pace, the pressure shifted and a spectacular late one-handed touchdown catch supplied the week’s compulsory reminder that defensive backs are also permitted to look up. Buffalo still had chances, but New England held on 29–26.

Chicago Bears 23, New York Jets 12

Chicago discovered a radical offensive concept: keep handing the ball to the chap who is scoring touchdowns. Kyle Monangai obliged twice, giving the Bears a reliable centre of gravity while the rest of the attack concentrated on not setting fire to anything important. The Jets moved the ball in occasional bursts but repeatedly arrived near opportunity carrying the wrong paperwork. Twelve points sounds respectable until one remembers that it required four quarters, a full coaching staff and an entire professional organisation. Chicago’s 23–12 victory was not glamorous, but glamour is overrated when competence will do.

Jacksonville Jaguars 22, Cincinnati Bengals 17

Joe Burrow threw for 428 yards and still lost, proving statistics can be decorative rather than load-bearing. Cincinnati moved the ball between the twenties with the confidence of an estate agent conducting a viewing, then repeatedly discovered the end zone had already been let. Jacksonville stayed patient, survived the aerial barrage and did enough in the decisive moments to protect a 22–17 lead. For Jaguars supporters, the closing stages carried the familiar dread of another impossible Cincinnati finish, but this time the trapdoor remained shut. Jacksonville moved to 3–1, while the Bengals turned a mountain of passing yardage into seventeen points—the offensive equivalent of buying a warehouse and storing one chair in it.

Dallas Cowboys 34, Houston Texans 30

Houston reached 0–4 despite C.J. Stroud throwing for 347 yards and Nico Collins catching two touchdowns, a statistical profile that usually belongs to a winning quarterback rather than a man answering sombre questions afterwards. Dallas had its own fireworks: CeeDee Lamb amassed 189 receiving yards, stretching the Texans’ secondary until it resembled warm chewing gum, while Javonte Williams supplied three rushing scores. The game remained a shoot-out because neither defence wished to appear discourteous by ending a drive too early. Dallas eventually closed out the 34–30 win. The Cowboys gained momentum; Texans fans gained another week of being assured that the record is “not reflective of the talent”.

New York Giants 36, Arizona Cardinals 24

Jameis Winston delivered the full tasting menu: bold throws, three touchdown passes and the constant possibility that the next snap might become experimental theatre. Arizona traded blows for long enough to keep the contest lively, but New York’s aggression kept producing the larger moments. The decisive one was a 98-yard interception return for a touchdown, a play that began with Cardinals hope and ended after a very long, very public jog in the opposite direction. From there, the Giants applied the lid and finished 36–24 winners. New York is 3–1, a sentence supporters may wish to laminate before reality notices. Arizona, meanwhile, learned that red-zone opportunities should not include complimentary transport to the other end zone.

Los Angeles Rams 24, Philadelphia Eagles 20

Philadelphia carried a ten-point lead into the fourth quarter and then treated the final fifteen minutes as an optional module. Until that point the Eagles had controlled the shape of the game, keeping Los Angeles at arm’s length and inviting their supporters to relax—an administrative error of the highest order. Matthew Stafford found his rhythm, Kyren Williams supplied the finishing force and the Rams stacked one composed drive on top of another. Philadelphia’s offense responded by observing a vow of silence, leaving its defence to protect a shrinking margin with increasingly little assistance. Los Angeles completed the comeback, 24–20. Somewhere, a prevent defense prevented only joy, and an Eagles fan began a sentence with, “All we had to do was…”

Green Bay Packers 17, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 14

This was not so much a football match as seventeen points escaping custody. Green Bay’s defence kept Tampa Bay boxed in, while the Packers’ attack did just enough to ensure the afternoon qualified as a victory rather than an incident report. Every possession felt precious because neither side seemed likely to manufacture many more. Tampa Bay scraped together fourteen points and remained within one kick of changing the story, but the decisive opening never arrived. The Buccaneers fell to 0–4 after making seventeen points look extravagant, which may be their most convincing defensive achievement of the season.

Minnesota Vikings 15, Miami Dolphins 10

Minnesota improved to 4–0 with fifteen points, demonstrating the ruthless efficiency of a parking fine. The Vikings did not overwhelm Miami so much as steadily deny it oxygen, controlling the pace and trusting that a low-scoring game favoured the side capable of remaining calm. T.J. Hockenson became the dependable answer to nearly every passing question, catching thirteen balls for 119 yards and operating like a large, mobile emergency exit. Miami’s offense managed ten points and the general ambience of a printer displaying “paper jam”: occasional noises, flashing lights and no meaningful output. The Dolphins were never entirely out of it, which only made each stalled drive more exasperating.

Kansas City Chiefs 30, Las Vegas Raiders 27

Kansas City saved twenty points for the fourth quarter because doing things comfortably would apparently violate league bylaws. Las Vegas spent three quarters constructing a credible upset, moving the ball with confidence and forcing the Chiefs to chase rather than dictate. Then Kansas City’s familiar late-game machinery started humming: possessions became sharper, the scoreboard accelerated and the Raiders’ margin evaporated. Las Vegas still came within one tipped-ball interception of stealing it, which is both encouraging and an unusually elaborate form of heartbreak. The Chiefs escaped 30–27 and moved to 4–0, once again transforming impending disaster into a familiar post-match graphic about resilience. The Raiders proved they could compete with the champions; regrettably, the league table awards no points for a persuasive demonstration.

Seattle Seahawks 30, Los Angeles Chargers 23

Seattle did its damage early, building the sort of advantage that encourages commentators to use the word “commanding” before everyone has made a terrible mistake. The Seahawks attacked with enough balance to reach thirty points and forced Los Angeles to spend most of the afternoon chasing the plot. Then Seattle used the fourth quarter to test whether a seven-point lead could survive prolonged neglect. It could, although not without producing the usual elevated heart rates and frantic sideline arithmetic. The Chargers had opportunities to level matters but remained devoted to losing in ways that suggest victory was nearby and simply missed the exit.

San Francisco 49ers 24, Denver Broncos 14

Denver held San Francisco to three first-half points and may briefly have believed the universe was both orderly and benevolent. The Broncos’ defense crowded the 49ers, disrupted their rhythm and carried a 14–3 advantage into the interval. Then San Francisco returned with the demeanour of a team that had spent half-time receiving a strongly worded performance review. The 49ers scored twenty-one unanswered points after the break, capped by a 56-yard George Kittle touchdown that turned a competitive evening into a reminder of the sport’s basic cruelty. Denver’s lead disappeared faster than a complimentary biscuit in a meeting room.

Carolina Panthers 32, Detroit Lions 26

Carolina handed Detroit a six-point defeat and moved to 2–2, which in the NFC South is practically a title parade with an open-top bus booked provisionally. The Panthers scored freely through three quarters, banking twenty-nine points before Detroit’s late pursuit made the final margin look more civilised. Carolina mixed aggression with just enough composure to keep the Lions chasing, while its defense survived the closing pressure without misplacing the result. Detroit’s comeback threatened drama but never quite recovered the ground surrendered earlier.

Atlanta Falcons 45, New Orleans Saints 24

Atlanta opened Monday night with a 59-yard Bijan Robinson touchdown and never bothered with subtlety again. The run established the evening’s terms immediately: the Falcons would go forwards at speed, while New Orleans would spend several hours trying to locate the handbrake. Bijan Robinson and Brian Robinson Jr. combined for five rushing touchdowns, repeatedly punching through a Saints defense that appeared to be waiting for written confirmation of where the ball had gone. New Orleans found enough offense to reach 24 points, including a late score, but by then Atlanta had turned the Superdome into a very expensive running track. The 45–24 result was emphatic, physical and mercifully free of suspense—unless one was wagering on precisely how many Robinsons it takes to dismantle a defense.

The Week 4 Verdict

The Vikings, Chiefs and 49ers remain perfect; the Texans, Titans, Dolphins, Buccaneers and Chargers remain perfectly winless. The Giants are somehow 3–1, the Panthers are entertaining, and Cleveland won despite spending half the evening being introduced to the officials. In other words, the NFL remains America’s most elaborate system for making certainty look foolish.